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For today's post I will talk about definition 1. You know it took me 2 years to realize that I live in a fishbowl. And, not a nice pretty one. No rocks, or cool plastic hotels here. No tall green seaweed to drift in and out of. Nope, I am in this bowl with the sharks. Sure, there are other fish like myself. We have band together to crate our own cool school. Coming from a tank with filters, and amazing fish food. I knew and understood that I was giving up my pent house style tank, for a smaller bowl. But, still I really thought a smaller bowl would mean better community. You know the snail watching out for the baby fish. Or the clown fish, organizing PTO functions. Again, nope! What I ended up with could really make one hell of a book.
The lies, gossip, and stories that have spread through out this little fish bowl are shocking to say the least. About 6 months ago I was listening to yet another version of yet another story, when it hit me. These sharks that I live with continue to circle the bowl because everyone lets them. For the most part they are unhappy on their side of the bowl. Having destroyed their homes, families, and swimming from friend to friend. Taking a bite out of every fish they see. But, you see I do have a choice. I can continue to put up with it, or I can take a deep breath, and be who I have always been. I choose door number 2.
This fishbowl is the biggest reason I have stopped blogging so much. Every time I sat down to write it would all pour out. Much like a prom queen after to much Boones Farm. I continued to write, its what I have always done. Now, its time for this little fish to take it all public. Judge away, drawl your own conclusions. And, if you happen to be stuck in this same fishbowl with me, well then you understand all to well!
So back to blogging I go.
Starting with this question for my readers: What is the definition of cheating to you? Is it always physical? Can someone have an emotional affair? And, if so, how is that defined?
6 comments:
That's an interesting question. (AND GO YOU! Say what you think. Vent away!)
I think a person can become emotionally attached to another person of the opposite sex without it becoming anything like an affair, but it takes some thought to keep it at a level that doesn't become physical.
And yes, I do have a little experience with the subject. But I won't talk about it here on your blog. Email me if you wanna.
I agree with Ami ... and like Ami -- willing to talk about it privately but not publically :) Feel free to email
Ah, the fishbowl. I miss Korea, but not the fishbowl existence. England isn't nearly as bad, but that's probably because we live like hermits. ;) I don't know anybody but people from the Pagan group and one homeschooler who is sort of a liberal Christian/Buddhist/Pagan. Nobody else knows who or what I am, other than via email. Then they see my sig and know my name and my job. That's it.
Anyway, your question. Ooh, that's a toughie, but I feel that cheating is anything that draws your emotions and attention away from one person, and transfers them to another person, whether sex is involved or not.
As far as I'm concerned, even if I didn't have sexual or intimate physical contact with Daniel while I was in Korea (but still married to David), it was still cheating, because I loved Daniel.
Then again, I suppose I was lucky, in that David accepted that I was in love with somebody else, had never loved him, and that the other guy wanted me to marry him.
You know my story and I have been very open about it, even on my blog, because it really happens very often in the military: we fall in love with other people. Granted, I never loved David, so it was probably inevitable one way or the other. ;)
But, yes, my feelings are that an emotional attachment that takes anything away from your current partner is cheating. Anything in addition to that is just insult on top of injury (and, I hope, a really good time as well! LOL).
I have a VERY broad definition of infidelity. Any emotion, stollen secret, shared conversation, or illicit thought can be interpreted as cheating, in my opinion. Physical infidelity is usually the compilation of these nonphysical items.
Are you a Grey's Anatomy and/or Private Practice fan? I think you are... So anyway, remember when Bailey and her husband got divorced? It was for cheating... Her husband didn't physically do anything with another woman, but he "shared things with her" that he should have only shared with his wife. Then there was a similar situation in Private Practice with Addison and that doctor, Noah. Addison swore it wasn't cheating because they hadn't done anything physical, but Noah's wife considered it cheating because they shared things and from that, developed feelings for each other. The way I see it, put yourself in that situation. How would you feel if your spouse was spending a lot of time with another person, sharing things that normally you two share... Does it hurt? Then chances are it's cheating. There were a few girls I knew from back home airing their dirty laundry on fb, talking about how their relationships were all messed up because they were both caught sending/receiving dirty pictures to/from random guys. There was no physical contact but let's be real... That's not ok, no matter what. One marriage ended because of it, the other survived but it wasn't pretty. Anyway, cheating is cheating. It can be physical or emotional, but at the end of the day, it's cheating.
Cheating to me is any act that if the situation was reveresed I would be upset about (for instance if I send an inapporiate image of myself to someone, or cuddle with someone who I could easily have a physical relationship with -gay friends don't count in the cuddling for us, for others they might though-. Affairs can be phyiscal, emotional, or both. If you are going outside your relationship for physical, emotional, or both then it's an affair because your SO is no longer the only one involved in that area of your life.
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