There once was a lazy mother, who planned to attend the ball.

Once upon a time (OK, today) there was a lazy mother.  Yep, that would be me.  She had so many children (where did they all come from),  she found herself standing in the kitchen and could not for the life of her remember what she was doing.  (that happens a lot around here).  

Almost nightly I read stories to Peyton.  I used to read to Christopher and Noah. Now they prefer to read to themselves.  Something or other to do with the voices I try and use.   Reading these wonderful fairy tales I have learned a few things.  First off Cinderella is alive and well.  She lives in Japan under an assumed name.  The singing mice are even there every now and again to cheer her on (yep, I have seen them).   Rest assured she is not so far gone that she sees pumpkins turning into carriages or anything, but she sure is ready to skip to the good parts.  You know the part where her handsome prince comes riding in with her glass slipper.  Oh, well even with that comes a huge sea bag of dirty laundry.  

Speaking of Cinderella I vaguely remember her attending a ball.  Well it is once again ball time.  Here in a few short weeks I will be attending 2 balls.  One is a Khaki ball, the other is the Navy ball.  Ian will be here for the first, as of now he will miss the second.  No matter I have not 1 but 2 wonderful dates.  The 3 of us will dress in our Sunday best (or maybe something a bit fancier) and have a great time.  

Have you ever shopped for a ball?  Or fancy party?  HOLLY HECK ON A CRUTCH BATMAN!  OK, that is out, I feel loads better.  Ian and I have attended Christmas parties, and other semi-formal functions.  But, we were younger, and I could pull off anything. When you are in your 20's it all looks good. I am now a bit older, and well lets be honest things have fallen.  This is going to take some major work,(were talking duct tape and super glue). Something about adding the word ball and everyone goes all Cinderella on you.

I did what any resourceful wife living 6000 miles for a Kohl's or Walmart would do. I began shopping on line.  First I found a wonderful website Nordstroms.com.  They have a dress department. (way overpriced dresses)  The makers of the website are gracious enough to teach the world all about body type.  As it turns out I am an apple. This means I need a dress that can hide my middle section.  I should buy something called an Empire waist.  As I was clicking through their on line store I realized that I would not be ordering a $500 dress, so of to other sites I clicked.  I also decided I did not want to wear black.  I know, I know, but, black is slimming.  Well, I will just have to look non slim.  I then though about purple, pink, and red.  Nope, those would make me feel old, or cheep. Brown of any sort is out.  That is what all the guys will be wearing. So there I was right back to black.  I decided to walk away from the computer and give it some time.  On a whim last night I checked back with Kohl's and found a wonderful black and white (mostly white) dress that I think will do the trick.  I even secured (what I now hope and pray) is the perfect dress, for $30.  Of course just to be safe I ordered another dress.  Now I need shoes, jewelry, that little ridiculous bag that everyone caries, and the appropriate hosiery.   So fairy tale land after all of this I have just one question..  Where the Fuck is my fairy God Mother?????  Because I still have a long way to go, and she better show up to do my hair, and bring the damn duct tape and super glue!