Our families Journey Part 2

Later that night, I could not sleep. I kept replaying things over in my head. Trying to find a solution. There had to be something we could do. Having no idea where to go next. Ian and I felt like our hands were tied. Q had been tested for ADHD in the past (twice). We were told he did not have it. The questions were just stuck in the air. If Q is not ADHD, then what is the problem? Could there be some other issue? There had to be someone in the school system that could help us. Help Q. Not knowing what else to do, we just started dancing. Sending Q out the door, waiting for him to return with today's issues. It got to the point where I hated sending Q to school. He hated going. At least on that we agreed. Towards the end of the school year, I had to drop paperwork off at the school. I noticed Q's class in the lunch room and decided to stop in.
As I walked across the lunchroom his teacher noticed me. I could see the visible change in her demeanor. As I approached her, she immediately became defensive. She asked (OK, demanded) that I step into the hall. She needed to speak with me. Out we went, I knew what was coming. Sure enough she says "Q will not do what is required in computer lab". I thanked her, yet again I assured her we would talk to Q. And that is what we did.
Q came home and I was FUMING! "What is going on with you"? "Why can't you just sit there and do your work"? "That's it, you are grounded"! Somewhere in all of this Q just started crying, I could see him getting upset. "Mom, I did the stupid work". "Well then why is Mrs. R saying you didn't? "I don't know mom, I finished that stupid book months ago". WHAT? What are you talking about? "Mrs. R just told me you are not doing what you need to in computer lab". "Mom, she wants me to sit quiet and do NOTHING". "That's not true, there has to be another book you can do". "NO, Mom, there isn't. Mrs. R told me if she gives me the book there won't be anything for me to do in 5 TH grade". At this point I was ANGRY. I decided we needed to calm down. Food always solves everything. I made a snack, and we sat down. And, for the first time I listened to my son. Really listened. For the first time I heard my son. I remember calling Ian at some point and I was SCREAMING into the phone. After calming me down, and getting the gist of what I was trying to say (in between my rants and not so pretty language) we decided that we would keep Q up that night and all 3 talk. I let the matter go, sent Q to play and sat on my sofa fuming. Ranting to myself. Later that night Ian and I would come to learn more and more about our sons school year.
The next time his teacher and I had occasion to meet I was a different mother. I was armed with questions? This time we would dance alright. BUT, I would be leading. And, the dance would be of my choosing. I have to say the meeting was for the most part one sided. I asked questions. Why is he not given something to DO during computer lab? The answer was the same, they could not allow him to advance to far. Well then can we find another class for him to attend? NOPE. OK, what about all his other classes? Is he ahead in those as well? (I already knew the answer, after Ian and I talked to Q) Well, we work as a class. OK, so you are telling me that he CAN'T learn to fast, so we can convenience the school? That was pretty much what they were telling me. I demanded they look at his test scores. Was told they can't accept scores based on tests not administered at the school. I felt like I was banging my head against the wall.
After that meeting, Ian and I decided to have a meeting with the counselor. This time Ian would be in attendance. For those of you that read this and know us INR, you know Ian. He is quiet and reserved. Pirate Boy had a first grade teacher who told me once, "you know the kids all get a class made book and I have allowed them to each pick 4 friends they want pictures of in their books. Pirate Boy is my only student that every kid in the class picked". Well that is Ian, Pirate Boy is our carbon copy of his daddy. In EVERY way. BUT, when Ian gets upset watch out. I have heard many a story about my husband at work. He is THE guy they all go to for everything (believe me, my phone bill proves it). He will bend over back words to help them. Having said that Ian has no problem flexing his proverbial muscles when the need arises.
Going into this meeting Ian took charge. (he has a way of doing that). Firing a barge of questions at the counselor. To which she had no reply or acceptable answers. They would agree to test Q but the school year would be ending in a few weeks so he would probably just have to be tested again next year. Her reason "because kids loose what they have learned over the summer". We left that meeting ANGRY! I have always felt anger was a useless emotion. After all psychologist tell us anger is really just other emotions we have manifested as anger. Well not in this case. It was PURE ANGER!
Later that night I could not sleep. I was still fuming. The Internet was my saving grace. I began researching educational options. I googled online school. The first thing that popped up was a home school site. And, I clicked on it. Reading story after story about home schooling. That was also the night I found Amy's blog http://www.thefoilhat.com/. I read and read. (and laughed my butt off) Ian came in somewhere around 4 am asking what the heck I was doing. "Look, this lady has 4 boys and she home schools them". Ian went back to bed. There I sat, reading. I also found my way to Doc's. Reading her blog, and a few others. It was a lifeline. I spent the next week scouring the Internet. Drinking in all the information on home schooling. Talking to Ian (I mean I talked, and talked, and talked) about it. Could we do this? Would it make a difference?
In the end, we decided to send him to 5 TH grade. All the while I was ordering curriculum. I think some time during that summer I decided he would be home schooled. Once the testing for 5 TH grade was complete, my decision was made. Here was our son testing in the 90 TH percentile fighting for an education.
I called the school, informed them he would not be returning. (I had spoken with our hs rep here, she assured me they would not haul us off to the big house). And off we went. I have to admit that first few days I kept waiting for that knock on the door. "you must send your child to school". That knock never came.
Q and I started off slow. Testing him to see what he needed to work on. Talking to him to see what he wanted to learn. I remember that "moment" (you know the one, where you just say I GOT IT). That came one morning I walked into the living room and there on my floor was my oldest son reading a book on the Maya people. "Look mom, I wrote this paper". I just stood there reading this paper (full of grammatical errors) and smiling to myself. It was beautiful. Public School moms keep every scrap of work from Kindergarten. Well I was framing this. I gave Q his paper back, and he kept right on going. Retreating to my room for a good cry. In that moment I made one final decision. My kids education would never again be a compromised. No teacher would ever know my kids better then I did. I would NEVER again dance their dance. From now on I would be in charge.
Today my boys are both in public school. On a modified schedule. I sit on the PTO and SAC boards for both their schools. There is also one other mom who world schools her kids. (world school is what Q calls it. He has pointed out that most of his school is not done at home) They attend on a similar schedule as my boys. Nothing will ever be perfect. No system is infallible. What I have learned about teachers is simple. We are all teachers on some level or another. The ones that teach in a concrete building either love what they do, or are there for their summers off. We are blessed this year Q had a science teacher that loves what he does. It shows. They are hands on, if the kids really enjoy something they keep going. His class is student interest based. I think they spend half their day outside. After meeting with him, Ian and I understand what a wonderful teacher can give our son. Maybe some day public education of our children will be competitive, and worth it.
All of the hard learned lessons have benefited Pirate Boy. Reading at an advanced level (for public school kids) yet still having writing issues Ian and I have taken the lead. This time around we feel better armed with the knowledge that public school is a "warehouse approach to education". There are services he needs that I am not equipped to give him. I know a lot of home school moms will read that and think I have learned nothing. Not so. This past years journey was also a reflection of my abilities as a mother/teacher. He needs therapies that I can not give him. What he also needs is me in his corner. Fighting every step of the way. His teacher this year is a wonderful woman who loves what she does. She understands what our goals for Pirate Boy are. She is 100% behind our decision to only send him for part of the day.
What comes next for our kids on their journey of world school is totally up to us as a family.
Where the military moves us next will determine how much of the public school resources we use. I have to say if we were in the states and had a network of home schooling families, or resources to select from I don't think they would attend school at all. Those decisions will come in time. For now, for this year, it's working.
My advice to people who are thinking about home schooling, is give it a try. Take a week, a month, or a year. Spend your days with your kids. Learn how they learn. Watch the wheels turn, and yes even watch them fail. Understand what your child loves and hates about learning and foster his/her loves. Trying to force a kid that hates something to "just do it" will never work. Allow your kids to have a voice. Every day I am amazed at how intuitive my kids are. At how well they know themselves. The other day PB said to me "mommy, I have decided I don't want to be an Army man anymore". (inside I was thanking God). "Well, what do you want to be"? "I want to be a writer". I thought to myself in that moment. If Ian and I didn't foster his love for stories, and words would he want this. If we were to spend the next few years making him try harder, and harping on the handwriting would he just give up? Pirate Boy knows and understands how hard writing is for him. We just find ways to work through it.
I still read all those blogs about home school families. Now a days I shake my head, saying to myself been there, doing that.
This is a looooong winded answer, but I am a long winded person. Thanks for reading....